May 17, 2013

Blog Post: Things That Make Me Wish The Zombie Apocalypse Happened

I cannot understand why people like to drive me crazy.

Is it amusing?

Do they like to see my face turn red as I fight the urge to beat them with the small wooden bat I keep in the backseat of my car? I just don't know.

Turning Signals

Guys, your cars have these for a reason. Please for the love of my sanity, USE THEM. They are not just decorative pieces of your car. They serve a purpose like letting me know you're turning so I don't slam my car into the back of yours when you break abruptly to make your turn. Seriously, it drives me crazy. Be warned the next person who does not use their turning signal while driving it front of me will be hit with a shoe (I keep a spare in the glove box).

Reality TV

I cannot express my hate for reality TV enough. No, like for real I feel like I might combust if they create one more reality TV show. For the love of bunnies they have a show about jumping into a pool...Who comes up with this crap? If I write a script for a show about how high people can jump, I would probably make a billion dollars. What happened to actual plot? Character development? Sexytime for the sake of being naked? TV has utterly disappointed me lately. I want to throttle writers and force them to sit in a tiny room watching nothing but the dumb reality shows they create, then we'll see how much they like them.

Useless Hate on the Internet

Guys, I spend most (if not all) of my time on the internet and it's the best thing ever. I Skype with friends all over the world, I shop like a maniac (I have absolutely no self control) I tweet like my life depends on it because lets face it, sometimes it does and of course I participate in a bunch of crazy cool projects I think are worth while. But lately, my wonderful internet bubble his been burst with clouds of negativity and meanness that makes me want to cry in my coffee. Why do people need to be uselessly mean spirited? Every  time I see or hear about someone tearing down another person 'anonymously' on the internet I want to shove said people down a flight of stairs, which I admit not exactly the healthiest reaction, but I can't help it. Mean people suck.

Plastic Knives

What is there purpose? You're supposed to be able to use them to cut things, but every time I try, they break. Plastic, while awesome and durable (note my supreme love of sporks) is also plastic and if you put too much pressure on it, it breaks. Plain and simple. It's not rocket science, so why create a plastic knife? They take up space in the box and you know they always give you more knives than forks and spoon yet no one ever uses them. It bugs me. Why not just omit the knife? Is it really that integral to the plastic silverware community? Meh.

Useless Gun Violence

With all the shootings being publicized lately in the news, online, and on TV...I swear we would have been better off if zombies took over the world and ate our brains. It's better then us going around killing each other for the hell of it. The news is depressing, it makes me want to eat cupcakes and live in a panic room.

I complain a lot.

This is only the beginning (did you hear the dum, dum, dum?) You've been warned....HahahAHhaHAHAHA

...That was my evil cackle FYI. I'm done now though so I'm going to go have a cookie because I think I deserve one.

If you sat here and read this whole thing, you deserve a cookie too, you should go get one.


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